Halloween

For Halloween, most of the girls come to work dressed in costumes. Terry dresses like Demi Moore in the movie G.I. Jane, or like Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2—remember that scene near the beginning where Linda escapes from the mental institution? One very tough lady. That's Terry tonight.

Bambi dresses in a flowery short dress with gaudy costume jewelry. I can't figure who she's supposed to be.

Ashley wears a convict costume—with black and white stripes and complete with handcuffs. I ask Ashley about Bambi's  costume, momentarily forgetting that Bambi and Ashley have not been on good terms.

"Ashley, what is Bambi supposed to be?"

"A slut," Ashley replies. Ok, Ashley. Point taken.

Susan wears a nun's habit. It's fitting, as Susan is so not like that image. Susan is spiritual but not religious. It's a dichotomy I appreciate.

"Susan, are you the 'flying nun'?"

"What?" Susan asks.

"You know . . . remember that TV show, 'The Flying Nun'?"

Susan looks mystified. "I've never heard of it," she says. I forget she's 23. I thought all the old shows lived on in syndication. Obviously, not all do.

Heather is a doctor (with stethoscope), Carol is a "pink lady" from the movie Grease, Bridgette wears a St. Louis Cardinals jersey. Darlene dresses like the "scarecrow" in The Wizard of Oz. She has straw in her hair, on her clothes, and sticking out of her sleeves.

"Darlene," I tell her, "your costume gets a 'number one' rating from me, for one reason. It looks absolutely like the most annoying costume to wear."

Cathy is a hippie tonight. Sidney doesn't dress up at all—she comes to work wearing her Applebee's uniform.

"Sidney, you're dressed up like an Applebee's waitress! That's a very good costume. It looks so realistic."

"I made it myself," she says. "It took months to sew the name on."

Joan wears a sign around her neck that says, "Don't yell at me. I'm not a real manager." I tell her that if I had a pencil I'd make myself a sign—"Don't ask me for money. I'm not a real customer."

But you already knew that.